Heavy Heart

My daughter just left for her junior year of college. My heart is very heavy and the tears continue to flow. I am so happy for her; she loves school, is very smart (on the deans list), is an athletic trainer, and has many wonderful friends. This summer was a summer of new experiences; working at a camp for rich girls, working at a camp for underpriveledged children, girls trip that included white water rafting and she began to date our new youth minister. I loved going to lunch, shopping, or just visiting with her. Many nights she sat with her fellow on my couch and visited. I enjoyed hearing their laughter and the low talking voices after I went to bed.She turned 21 years old yesterday, but I didn't spend it with her because she had to be in athletic training. Luckily her fellow went to Abliene to take her to dinner. He did bring her home so that she could get her new drivers license and her hair cut. But now she has gone to college and my couch is empty. Well, that is not true. Her little 16 year old brother still lives at home, but he is so busy with football and friends, and soon school, that he doesn't sit on my couch much. He and I will settle back into our routine of school, dinner and bed. We really enjoy being together and I love to hear his stories. This will fill my heart again with joy and then she will call and I will be so happy for her. But for now, my heart is heavy as I sit in my house, alone listening to the quiet.
Really, I guess it is times like this that I need more and more to rely on Jesus. To be still and know that He is God. Instead of turning on the tv or reading a mindless book, why not pick up my Bible and learn more about Him.. For years I have turned off my mind and now I need to turn it back on. I don't think I remember how to do that. Going about my business, teaching school, being a mother, running errands, that I can do; but to think and feel....that is hard. I am working on it. I want to. I need to. But it is definately hard. I think this year I will read my Bible more, be more focused on the specific children in my class and their needs and be on my knees in prayer. I want the Lord to be in control and not ME! I am so thankful that I serve a God who loves me even when my heart is heavy.